The Martian

The Martian

From beneath the shining elixir, rises a massive martian. Seated on the throne beneath the elixir, the behemoth almost magically faded into the background, but now, standing at full height, the hulking Martian towers above his lesser martian brethren. His stocky legs are powerful, and his arms ripple with extraordinary muscle. The Martian wields a long staff crowned with a sharp, blade on top, in the shape of a reverse-J.

“That Martian is radiating cosmic energy, sir,” says ART, sounding surprised if an artificial intelligence could actually sound surprised. “A life-form radiating that kind of cosmic energy would be torn apart at the cellular level.”

“He’s drank the elixir?” guesses the Hero.

“He drank the elixir,” confirms the Rocket.

“I claim this fortress and all the contents within for the Martian race,” says the Martian, “And you are trespassing.” In reality the Martian was speaking an exotic and ancient alien dialect, but the advanced software translated the martian language for the heroes.

“Well, we just need that vial up there and then we’ll get out of your hair… I mean scales… I mean…”

“You will not take the source of our strength. We will continue to grow and then the martians will rule again. You aren’t leaving,” growls the Martian.

The Hero spins his sword and then charges. The Martian strides forward, much more graceful than the other martians. The Hero swipes the Martian’s initial thrust to the side with his plasma saber and encroaches on the Martian’s guard. He swipes at the Martian's bone-like chin falanges, sheering several of them. The Martian won’t be defeated so easily, and uses the shaft of his staff to swing the Hero away from him. 

The martians crow and jeer, cheering on their champion. The Hero gives ground, backing away from the Martian. The Martian responds by throwing a few exploratory jabs of his staff, while the Hero continues to retreat, dodging and weaving. The Hero backs all the way up to the corpse of the fallen automaton, and then suddenly straightens. The Martian stops, confused, and the Hero smiles tauntingly at the Martian and flips back onto the body. The Martian advances, realizing the Hero has gained the high ground. The Hero leaps, saber raised overhead for the crushing blow, but the Martian is faster. The Martian swings his staff hard, connecting the flat side of his staff’s blade to the Hero’s ribs. The Hero tumbles through the air, smashing into a wall and then falling to the ground in a heap.

The Martian turns his attention to the Rocket, who has his laser rifle leveled on him, and charges. The Rocket drives several laser bolts into the Martian with no effect.

“That is Draevo armor, highly resistant to energy weapons,” chimes in ART helpfully.

“Ahhhhh shhoo…” says Rocket reaching forward, trying to adjust the rifle’s power output as the Martian’s staff slams into his armor, carrying him until the staff buries itself in the wall. The Rocket’s left arm is pinned to the wall by the Martian’s blade.

The other martians roar their approval, all are captivated by the spectacle before them.

“AHHHHHH,” screams the Rocket as the Martian’s blade digs into the Rocket’s armor. Lights from the Rocket’s HUD flash warning messages as the Martian continues to sink the blade into the Rockets shoulder, the edge of the blade beginning to cleave through the Rocket’s armor. The Rocket, grimacing in pain, looks down, seeing the laser rifle has charged for greater blasts and is ready to fire, it is just outside his reach.

“HEYYYYY,” screams a voice. Everyone in the throne room turns to look at the throne. The Hero stands at the top of the throne holding the elixir in hand. The Martian growls.


The Martian stumbles back, clutching at his stomach. Green blood slowly seeps through a dent in his armor. The Martian looks up to see the Rocket wrenching the blade free from the wall, freeing himself.

The Hero looks at the Rocket and screams, “RUNNNN.”

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