A Quick Lesson on Oil, Butter, and Balm: by The Teacher

It's a bright and shining afternoon in Franklin. Out by the schoolhouse, children laugh and play while climbing over various playground equipment. Inside, the warm sunlight filters in through the window and spills onto the desk of a young academic. He sits at his desk, poring over notes from The Teacher’s latest lesson. The rest of the kids had left to go play, but this student is studious. He is a natural when it comes to academia. History, math, science, geography, and music theory, all disciplines that not only interested the student but that came naturally to him. He dreams of one day being a keeper of knowledge, maybe a professor, a librarian, or…. Maybe a Scribe?  However, on this day, a series of sub-par assignment grades bothers him. 

He’s not sure what tripped him up, things always come so easy and the mistakes he made were elementary. This burns him up, almost as bad as the itchiness on his face. He scratches at the scraggly beard that has sprouted from his chin, starting to creep up his jaw and cheeks. 

The Teacher steps into the room and sees the agitated student. He sets his rucksack down and walks over to the student.

“I noticed that your last report on the dwarven age period was a little… well… it wasn’t up to your typical standard. Is anything going on that might be hindering your performance? I know that you know this.” asks the Teacher.

“I know sir, and it’s killing me that I made such…” the student begins, but interrupts himself with a rash of scratching at his beard. “... elementary mistakes,” finishes the student.

The Teacher stares at the student for a brief moment and then gives him a look of understanding.

“You know,” begins the Teacher, walking towards the blackboard and picking up a piece of chalk, “I remember when I first started growing my beard, I dealt with a lot of itchiness and my hair would be dry and brittle. That’s a miserable feeling, one that might take you off your A-game.”

The student, surprised at how the Teacher just put his issue into words, sat, his mouth agape.

“How did you get it to stop?” asks the student, retrieving a note-pad and pen from beneath his desk.

“Well, I had to develop a good beard care regiment. The first was finding a good beard oil. It’s the foundation of any good beard care routine. The oil gets down and hydrates the skin, providing perfect conditions for beard growth. The ingredients in beard oil also benefit your beard hair as well, not to mention you smell great.  My favorite smells like berries and vanilla.”

“Okayyyy,” says the student, still jotting down notes, “Is that all?”

“Well, no. If you only use beard oil, it would indeed help you a great deal and help you keep a nice and healthy beard. However, beard butters and balms can be used in conjunction with beard oil to condition and style your beard, respectively,” answers the Teacher.

“Okay, so when… I mean what…” stutters the student, overwhelmed at the vast world of possibility opening before his eyes.

“Okay okay, sorry, I’ll slow down,” says the Teacher. “I would say always start with oil. Use it right after you shower and let it soak in for around five minutes. Then, you can use butter to condition and hydrate your beard. As for balm, it has some hydrating qualities but it is ultimately for styling purposes. Either one, you just get a little in your hand, rub your hands together to melt or emulsify it, then you rub it through your beard.”

“Wow, I didn’t know there were so many things that could help my beard be the best it could be,” says the student, “Now with all these products, how do you actually wash your beard?”

“How about you start here with beard oil, butter, and balm? Washing will be a lesson for another time,” laughs the Teacher.

Narrated by Brandon Warner