The Hero: Balm in the Bar Fight

The Hero: Balm in the Bar Fight

It’s the weekend in Franklin, and everyone has rushed off to the tavern to blow off a little steam after a long work week. However, at this point in the night, the townspeople have usually retreated to their homes for a night of restful sleep. Tonight is different, as the roar of a rambunctious crowd rattles the walls of the town tavern. Inside a chaotic bar fight is in progress and it is complete pandemonium. The offending party, a group of traveling out-of-towners, has upset the hospitable sensibilities of the local townfolk, which predicated the all-out brawl. The Hero hadn’t necessarily helped the matter, the sarcastic quips and razor-sharp wit tended to inflame a situation instead of de-escalating it. The Barkeep had given up a long time ago trying to settle the matter peaceably and was now throwing knockout punches, trying to bring a quick and efficient end to the scuffle. A haymaker from the Barkeeper connects with the temple of a hoodlum, who crashes to the floor.


The Barkeep turns to see a hoodlum holding a chair leg, frozen in mid-swing. If the hoodlum had finished his swing, he would have cracked the chair leg across the Barkeep’s head. The hoodlum turns to see where the sound came from and meets the boot heel of the Hero, who launched himself off the upstairs terrace. The Hero’s boot heel connects with the hoodlum’s forehead and they both crash to the floor.


The Barkeep throws the last ne’re do well out of the tavern and returns to the bar. The Hero reclines agains the bar on a bar stool, a cold bottle pressed against his head. He looks dishevled, not surprising considering he just hurled himself off a the second-floor to protect his friend. 

“You look just a little worse for wear,” jokes the Barkeep, “but I appreciate it.”

The Hero laughs weakly and that’s when the Barkeep noticed that despite his rumpled appearance, the Hero’s beard is still in perfect shape.

“By the Wizard… how is your beard still perfection despite all you just went through,” asks the Barkeep, marveling at the Hero’s beard.

“Easy, the Wizard’s beard balm helps keep my curls and fly-aways in line, even in a bar fight apparently,” chuckles the Hero.

“Well I use his beard butter and it does not do that for me,” says the Barkeep.

“Beard balm has a lot more beeswax than the beard butter does,” begins the Hero, “While butter does have some beeswax for hold, balm has more. Especially when I grow my beard out, around the 4-8 week mark, I’ll have wild hairs that poke out in various ways. Beard balm is good for beards growing around 2-3 inches long, but it is also helpful with curly beards as they grow on out. My curly beard experiences wild hairs and fly aways that are typically tamed by the time a beard is grown out to 5-6 inches. I’ll still use butter, especially first thing in the morning, or at night for a nourishing effect, but balm is good to help train and tame my beard.” 


Narrated by Brandon Warner

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