The Wicked Sleigh
Jacob Wilder“Working on it, Santa!” shouts Candymittens back at the comm set, “Jingleman, where is that bogey?”
“There’s nothing showing on thermal scans. I’ve seen a shadow or two for a brief second on night vision but not enough to track.”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,” comes a cackle that cuts through the chilly night. The hiss of a fuse grows closer and closer and Candymittens can see the flicker of fire flying towards them.
“Rudolph, take evasive action,” shouts Candymittens pulling the reigns into a tight left turn. Typically, flight commands are communicated to Rudolph and he makes adjustments accordingly, however the quick jerk on the reigns helps Rudolph make quicker evasive action, diving into a tight left handed turn. Just in the nick of time, the pumpkin bomb explodes overhead, rattling the Sleigh but leaving them otherwise unscathed.
“I have him!” says Jingleman, “I’ve got him locked on the 360 cam in night vision. If we can stay above him we won’t lose him in the moonlight.” On the staticy emerald screen the elves see a team of skeletal reindeer, pulling a black antique hearse. A thin, pumpkinhead figure sits on the driver’s bench whipping at the undead reindeer, holding a pumpkin bomb in hand, how one might hold a snowball, just ready for the opportunity to pitch it.
Rudolph snorts confirmation and begins to climb once more. “He’s flying right at us,” yells Jingleman. The front profile of the Wicked Sleigh provides a small target for target acquisition. It speeds toward them like a runaway train.
“That’s his mistake,” says Sugarfoot, winding up the barrels on his 30mm rotary cannons. Flaming marshmallows spray from the spinning barrels, splattering the skeletal reindeer and hearse. The Wicked Sleigh wobbles under the fire from Sugarfoot before breaking shakily right.
“Take that!” hoots Sugarfoot as Santa’s Sleigh speeds past the Wicked Sleigh, gaining the higher altitude. “Fire appears ineffective,” says Jingleman in monotone, “We’ll have to try something else.”
The skeleton reindeer fly through the night, flames dancing on their ancient bones and small spots of fire dot the hearse but the Wicked Sleigh shows no sign of significant damage. The sleigh takes a sharp turn and flies towards Santa’s Sleigh. “Bogey closing fast,” says Jingleman, slight tone of panic in his voice, “Ten clicks… eight clicks… six clicks…”
Suddenly, a thunderous boom cuts through the night. The several of the skeletal reindeer from the back end of the team explode in a flurry of bones, and molten marshmallow is thrown in every direction. The remaining reindeer struggle to carry the full weight of the hearse, causing the Wicked Sleigh to enter a flaming tailspin, crashing away from the battlefield.
Everyone looks over at Snazzyflakes, standing behind the 130 MM gun. “You just needed a bigger gun,” says Snazzyflakes shrugging.
“Well done,” says Santa over the comms system, “Now see if you can help us here on the ground.”
“Speak of the frosty devil,” says Jingleman, staring at the display.
